he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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