you would pick up someone in the library
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
