I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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