I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
