I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
