so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no, he came in my armpit
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
