is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
