i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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