You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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