Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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