if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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