Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
