Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
