I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
