You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
