made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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