btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
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If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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