Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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