His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
