Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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