No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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