If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
