I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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