Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
