My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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