i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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