Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
