I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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