Plan B is the new Plan A
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
