my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
