i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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