I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
