I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
