He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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