I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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