Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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