I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
