Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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