Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
