Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
