"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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