dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
