you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
