Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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