Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
