Me. At least after what I've been through.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize