some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
