Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I touched a dick in church today
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
