Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
