walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
