So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
