I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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