apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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