I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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