you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
