I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
