I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
