Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
