I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just gift wrapped bread.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
