What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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