Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
