Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
